Sometimes I kind of wonder if what I’m doing isn’t incongruous. I want to rest, because I was so stressed out for so long by things in WoW, and yet I also want to write about all these things that stressed me out. My general schedule this past month has been to wake up, yoga/work out, breakfast, write until late afternoon/early evening, prepare then eat dinner, go for a bike ride, then relax for the last couple hours of the day. It’s been restful. I’ve been able to use some of that time to watch movies, have sex, read books, hang out with people. And I wonder, if in this state of mind of restfulness and peace, if it prevents me from being able to do my writing.

My writing is about to enter some of the most unhappy parts of my WoW life. I have to read through and remember so many things that caused me so much stress and discouragement. I have to re-enter the frame of mind where I feel that everyone finds me to be a worthless person, and maybe they’re right. It’s jarring, to transition from the peace of mind that is in my current daily life, to the distress and discord pervasive throughout my time as a guild master in WoW. So, these past few days, I’ve been avoiding it. And even when I sit myself down in front of my computer, to look through the conversations I had at the time, my mind swerves away from it, and it’s hard to move forward. Like a writer’s block, but not one where I lack creativity or an ability to express myself; it’s one where I lack the strength of mind to leave my current comfort zone and return to that mind-space of dissonance, doubt, and maybe development.