I want to die so badly.

But all those people who care about me would be hurt by my suicide. They are innocent in everything, the hurt that I experience now was not at all caused by them. I cannot bring myself to hurt them through my actions.

But I want to die. I wish I could die.

It was such a big mistake to allow people to learn to care about me and love me. This is now tying me down to a world I really want to leave.

What can I do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt innocent people who have only been good to me. But I don’t want to be in this world, watching my baby, my guild, tortured and dying, knowing it will soon be dead.

I know it’s a game. But hundreds of people have been in this guild, and I have put my everything into governing them for years of my life. It’s a game, but the people are human beings. They are human beings. I have never thought of my community as just a game. I have always thought of it as people who place their trust in me and whom I MUST do well by. And now this place, with all my memories, all the results of my effort, is just about dead. And I know it’s a game, but I am dying too.